I just told the group chat you’re our official snack inspector. Please don’t let us down.

Your name is now on the neighborhood bake sale sheet. Two dozen cupcakes are due Friday.

I told my mom you can fix any Wi-Fi problem. She’s coming over tonight with three routers.

Good news: I found your missing sock. Bad news: it joined a union.

I told my plants you’re their new favorite human. They’re very needy.

Someone asked who ate the last donut. I stayed quiet, but I looked at your photo.

Heads up, I listed you as my emergency contact for late-night pizza. Answer fast.

I told the barista you love decaf. Please act surprised tomorrow.

Your phone sent me a note. It’s begging for a break from your midnight memes.

Breaking news: you’ve been voted most likely to say “k” and call it a conversation.

I told everyone you can sing. Karaoke starts at eight. No pressure.

Don’t panic, but a stranger at the gym says you owe them a high five.

I put you down for the polar bear plunge. Bring a towel and bravery.

Your fridge sent me a message. It says it misses the leftovers you promised to eat.

Quick question: did you really tell the dentist you floss every day?

I told my coworkers you used to be a street magician. Bring cards tomorrow.

Someone asked if you’re the “funny friend.” I said yes, but the evidence is thin.

Your name came up in a trivia night argument. You were the wrong answer.

I may have told the group you’re hosting Thanksgiving this year. Start thawing the turkey.

Just a reminder that you promised to share your fries. The jury is watching.

I told your neighbor you play the trumpet. He’d love a concert.

Your reputation has been reviewed. Please bring snacks to appeal.

I put your number on the free pizza list. Please check your door in ten minutes.

The group voted, and you’re officially the friend who answers texts three days late.

I just heard you can parallel park perfectly. Please come show my uncle.

Congratulations, you’ve won a lifetime supply of my terrible jokes.

I told the new guy at work you’re a former pro wrestler. Wear a cape tomorrow.

Your name is on the office trophy for most dramatic sigh. Well deserved.

I think your dog is texting me. He says you’re late with his dinner.

Someone asked for your autograph. I said you’re busy signing nothing.

Breaking: scientists say your coffee order has more words than a novel.

I just told everyone you’ve been practicing the accordion. Please start.

You have been selected for a very serious mission: finding my charger.

I told my cousin you’re a great dancer. He’s bringing a speaker.

Your old yearbook photo is trending in my camera roll. Brace yourself.

I signed you up to give the toast at Sunday dinner. Keep it under an hour.

Heads up, the group chat has renamed you Captain Chaos. It’s official.

I told the pizza guy you tip in high fives. He’s on his way.

Your snack drawer filed a missing-person report for the cookies.

Final notice: you’re too funny to ignore, so I’m texting you forever.

Hey, did my last text show up? My iPhone has been acting weird all day.

Got a minute later? I have a silly story and zero context.

Oops, wrong chat. That photo of my lunch was meant for the group.

That voice note was meant for my GPS. Please forgive the yelling.

Weird question: did you ever return my favorite hoodie from sophomore year?

Your profile picture looks different today. Did you get a haircut or a new personality?

Hey, I just added you to a group chat by mistake. Please don’t leave.

Your status update has everyone talking. Mostly about the dog photos.

Did you mean to send that last message to me? I’m confused but entertained.

Can you call me when you’re free? I need your opinion on a very important sandwich.

My Android just autocorrected your name to Legend. I’m leaving it.

I just read your message out loud to my cat. She laughed.

Hey, are you the person who liked my photo from 2019? We need to talk.

I have big news 😳 but first, what’s your favorite pizza topping?

Guess who just got mentioned in the group chat 👀 It’s you.

Something strange happened today 🤔 and your name was involved.

I need your help 🚨 deciding between tacos and more tacos.

This is awkward 😬 but I think I sent you my grocery list. Sorry about the kale.

I’ve got a secret 🤫 and it’s that I forgot what the secret was.

Your voice note just cut off at the best part 🎙️ Please send the rest.

Alert 📢 your friendship level has been upgraded to unlimited snacks.

Someone told me you’re famous in my kitchen 🍕 because you left pizza boxes.

Typing… typing… never mind, I forgot what I was going to say.

I just sent you a mystery. The clue is that I have no clue.

Quick poll in the group: who stole the last slice? You may answer in emojis.

Hey, I think you left your snack plans on my couch. Come pick them up.

I told Siri to text you something nice. She said, “I’m not sure what you mean.”

This is a test of the Friend Alert System. If you’re reading this, you passed.

Do you know a person named you? Because they’re awesome and I’m texting them.

My phone says you’re my favorite contact. I didn’t say yes, but I didn’t say no.

Why does your name show up as Do Not Answer Before Coffee? I changed it.

I read your last message three times. It still makes no sense, and I love it.

Mystery solved: your phone battery dies because it’s tired of your memes.

Please hold. Your friend is currently processing how funny you are.

Remember when you said you’d answer in five minutes? Happy anniversary.

I just muted the group chat for you. You’re welcome. Kidding. Maybe.

Heads up, I’m about to send you 12 pictures of my lunch. Brace yourself.

Your WhatsApp status says busy. Busy being awesome, I assume.

Don’t open the next message. Okay, you opened it. It says hi.

This text was sent to see how fast you’d reply. Your time: not fast.

Error 404: Your sense of humor was not found. Please try again with snacks.

Message failed to send: this joke is too good for your phone.

Warning: your cool level is low. Please recharge with a nap.

System update: you now have 100% more friends. Restart to enjoy.

Error: too much fun detected. Please reduce laughter and try again.

Alert: your battery is at 1%, but your confidence is at 100%.

Oops, something went wrong. It was you. It’s always you.

Connection lost. Please search for a better excuse and reconnect.

Storage almost full: too many photos of your breakfast. Please delete a pancake.

Autocorrect has stopped working. Please text carefully, or just panic.

Software update available: Best Friend 2.0. Tap to accept hugs.

Error 500: friend overload. Too many jokes on this server.

Loading… loading… still loading your reply time. Please wait until Tuesday.

Notice: your phone has been promoted to snack finder. Congratulations.

This message will self-destruct in five seconds. Just kidding. It’s a compliment.

Low memory warning: your brain forgot where the keys are again.

Error: no cookies found. Please bake some immediately.

Access denied: only people who love tacos may read this message.

Hi, is this the pizza place? I’d like to order ten pizzas and one hug.

Hey Nana, are we still baking pies on Sunday? Wait, this isn’t Nana’s number.

Hello, I’m texting about the llama you’re selling. Is it still available?

Hi, did I leave my sandwich at your house? Wait, who is this?

Hey, is this the plumber? My sink is singing again.

Hi, is this the dentist? I have a question about the candy bowl.

Hi, is this the bakery? I need a cake shaped like a cake.

Hey buddy, are you still bringing the grill on Saturday? Wait, sorry, wrong number.

Hello, I’d like to speak to the manager of fun. Is that you?

Hi, this is your neighbor’s goat. Please send snacks.

Hey, did you get the package I left in the tree? Oh, wrong person.

Good morning! This is your wake-up call. Wait, you never signed up for one.

Hi, I’m texting about the haunted couch. Is it still for sale?

Hello, is this the library? I’d like to return a very long book.

Hey, are you still free for karaoke? Oh, wrong number. Want to come anyway?

Hi, I’m looking for someone named Greg who owes me a sandwich.

Wrong number, but since you’re here, how’s your day? Good? Great.

Group poll: who here still thinks they can beat me at Mario Kart? Reply with excuses.

Everyone reply with the word pickle. Don’t ask questions. Just do it.

New rule: the next person to send a GIF owes us a pizza.

Breaking news: this group chat has been renamed Snack Council. Meetings are daily.

Whoever reads this first is the group’s official dancer this week.

The group voted, and your turn to pick the movie is… never. Sorry.

Quick vote: who sent the cat video at 3 a.m.? We’re not mad. We’re curious.

Attention: the group chat will now speak only in movie quotes. Good luck.

Everybody type “I’m not the one who ate the cake.” The liar types slowest.

Fantasy football update: the group says you should trade yourself.

Someone in this group has a secret. It’s that they’re awesome. Guess who.

Lights out in the group chat. Everyone has to reply in whispers.

I told my friend you’re cute. Now you have to live up to it.

Somebody asked if you’re single. I said, “It’s complicated, like your parking.”

You’re on my mind a lot. It’s probably the snacks you owe me.

I wrote your name in my notes app. It says future snack buddy.

Quick question: do you believe in love at first text?

I’d tell you a pickup line, but you’re already out of my league. Kidding. Maybe.

Someone swiped right on you. It was my cat.

I just described you as tall, dramatic, and good with leftovers.

Plot twist: my crush is the person reading this message.

I’m sending you good vibes, a smile, and zero spoilers.

You’ve been selected as my favorite contact. No takebacks.

Is it hot in here, or is my phone overheating from your messages?

An anonymous source says you’re the funniest person on your block.

Someone nominated you for Best Laugh of the Year. The committee agrees.

A mystery admirer thinks your playlist is elite. They won’t say who.

You have been invited to a secret club. The only rule is to bring snacks.

An unknown sender wants you to know your Tuesday just got better.

Your name appeared on a list today. It was the Cool People list.

A secret agent reports that your pizza taste is top secret and top tier.

Someone says you have the best dance moves in the state of Ohio.

Mystery message: your next text must include the word banana. Good luck.

An anonymous friend says thanks for being you. The prank is that it’s me.

You’ve been pranked with kindness. Please share the joy.